In My Mind (talking to myself)

There’s a saying somewhere that Christians are people who talk to themselves the most and I do find myself doing more of that…as I continue to question myself, the things I do, what I think and basically being aware of the fact that the Holy Spirit dwells in me.

Today, as I was going to get my lunch from Subway (HV) I was just thinking to myself, should I take the bus (I had just gone for gym so a bit lazy). Yet at the same time, the awareness that it was the easy way out and I knew that I had to humble my physical body so that my spirit’s condition can be revealed to myself.

I’m beginning to understand the significance of Jesus saying WHEN we fast not if we fast…basically it is choosing to feed my spiritual being before my physical. Cause just as I understood what was being spoken last Sat by the speaker during Fuel Prayer, “The strong man is the one that you feed FIRST!”. It kinda of hit me home that I’ve been feeding my physical man first and that was the root of why I feel spiritually dead at times…like a total “unspiritual Christian” which is NOT NORMAL…cause Jesus promised me an abundant life in Him!

So, as I chose to walk to Holland Village instead, I was just telling myself “Take your time to walk there, lunch isn’t as important as the time you spend walking and talking to God on their way there”. As i walked, my mind was mentally engaged in asking God and seeking His revelation for me…the questions in my heart…but more so…preparing my spirit to be the dwelling place for Him to reign.

So often, we go about doing stuff that we are able to do on our own and seek God only when we can’t do something. The mindset change I believe we need is that God wants to partner us, not to do the BIG things that we can’t do but rather, He wants to partner us in all that we do because He delights in our relationship with Him. It becomes a relationship that is eternal rather than a “work relationship” mentality that most of us have.

….Had Subway Turkey Breast, 6″ Wheat Bread, No cheese, No toast, All the veggies except onions and chilli, finally mayonnaise and sweet onion sauce…

As I walked back (choosing to go by the commonwealth ave), I got a bit lost cause I’ve not walked through there for a few months. So was wandering around till I found a familiar landmark…at the same time, I was asking myself, “Why didn’t I just walk back the same way I came…faster some more”… How typical for someone who just said I wanted to spend some more time walking with God…I guess that’s one Singaporean mentality that we gotta change with regards to God and our attitude towards time. Do realize *God is timeless*.

As it is, I became hot and sweaty and there were some stale smells as I walked past under the housing blocks. It wasn’t exactly a nice place for someone who had just bathed and was smelling nice and fine. Yet, as I was talking to God about my stupidity, the Holy Spirit used this experience to teach me some stuff that I kind of thought about but was never able to put down clearly and coherently.

Basically, here’s what I was thinking and receiving:

1. “Rachel, you live in a nice, new building compared to the rather disheveled neighborhood you are walking through now…there are things that you have not experienced, what about the hope of people who are living in an environment that is not the best or smelly. Do you see the countenance of the elderly, that I am their hope showing them that they have a purpose beyond death”

2. “Rachel, you are nice and clean, and you don’t want to get dirty. Yet, if I call you to serve, you will have to get dirty and smelly in the process because it is the nature of the world that you are in now. Yet, so many people, choose to stay nice and clean because it is comfortable. As such, they delude themselves that being in the world, you will get dirty, and the only way you can get clean is through me, Jesus. Rachel, you have been revealed this because you understand how in need of purification you need, in the midst of a sinful world that daily unloads all sorts of dirt on you. Renew and purify your mind, heart, soul and body in me.

WoW God.

Love,

littlelamb